My Personal Insights:
When similar incidents happen together, I pay
attention. I believe that such things occur because I'm
being shown a lesson. Recently, while waiting for a
friend to arrive from out-of-town, a woman was waiting
to take the same public transportation back. Due to
traffic, the bus was delayed. The woman was
attempting to manage a portable oxygen tank as well
as a carry-on piece of luggage. Clearly, the wait time
would be difficult for her. As I assisted her in to the
local hotel to have a seat and assured her I'd get her
when the bus came, she kept questioning why I was
being so nice. In the next incident, after driving
around for hours because I couldn't get on to flooded
highways, I ended up at a gas station with many
customers who made me very uncomfortable. One
unsavory man followed me in to the office. But to my
pleasant surprise it was he who helped me find my
way home.
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Building Trust
Clearly, we live in fear of one another. There is a
basic distrust. Is this caused by not knowing one
another? Is it our differences? Is this not why there is
so much world conflict?
Based on the outcomes, in neither case was there a
reason. But here's the thing. When I finally got home
and was talking to my husband about it, he asked if I
had that look of fear on my face -- that look that would
tell others, "I'm afraid, I'm vulnerable, I'm a target."
His point is very valid. We're always reacting to one
another, even if it's at a sub-awareness level. You
give off certain energy that can be picked up by others.
The problem is that though others pick up your
reactions, they don't always interpret it correctly. In
these cases, there was fear. But it could easily have
been interpreted as say, lack of appreciation.
I'm not sure if there's an easy solution to this
problem. Is there a prevalence of universal fear that
trickles down to couples or is it the other way around?
But I do know that trust is a basic dynamic for any
relationship to be strong. And since it's not likely that
you or I can do anything on a global level, I suggest
that each of us try to be more mindful on an individual
level.
If you each start to be more helpful and open to others,
maybe little by little we can all start to trust each other.
Wouldn't that be grand?
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Choice Tips:
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- It's okay to have your emotions, even fear, but you
don't have to react to them.
- A good way to calm your emotional response
down when you start to notice that you are reacting to
someone is to take a long deep slow breath.
- Consider the possibility that though someone
might be behaving a certain way outwardly, your
interpretation of why he or she is acting that way can
very well be wrong. If you are close enough to the
person, you can question why he or she did what they
did rather than assume.
- Do be honest enough with yourself to know you
have filtering systems including stereotypes. Sadly,
we all are held back by our prejudices.
- Be willing to do random acts of kindness. You (or
I) are not going to be able to save the world from all its
deadly conflict. But if you each do something small,
little by little, it can make a difference
- Start by appreciating and doing something nice for
the special people in your life.
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Empowering Tools and Information:
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There are no special products I have to offer this
month that I believe are consistent with this
newsletter. By not presenting any to you, I hope it will
build your trust in me.
Perhaps you could
make a small gesture to show your trust and forward
this newsletter to 10 of your friends. Allow them to
learn some choice tips too!
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