My Personal Insights:
Well, I've recently returned from my trip to Australia
and New Zealand. It was amazing. I think New
Zealand has to be the most beautiful country I've ever
seen. While traveling, there were many experiences I
challenged myself to that were uncomfortable for me.
But I truly believe in facing one's fear and I know if I'd
not done these things, I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip
as much as I did. Of course, my mind always runs
back to the lessons I can apply to relationships!
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Challenges Help Growth
Relationships are clearly important to most of us --
right from birth they help you know you matter. And yet,
there's a risk involved. In order to really benefit from
them, you have to be willing to be open and that can
lead to getting hurt. So, most people put up a shield
of some sort. Sadly, when both people in a
relationship do this, neither one gets the intimacy
he/she really wants.
The only way for you to truly have an emotionally
intimate partnership is to allow yourself to come out of
your comfort zone, to allow yourself to be open.
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Choice Tips:
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- Understand the concept that Action = Reaction. In
other words, how someone acts to you will depend on
how you have treated them.
- Observe yourself. When you attack your partner or
when you shut down, it is likely that you're feeling
emotionally scared or threatened. Use these
indicators as a time to self-reflect and challenge
yourself.
- Similarly, if you notice these behaviors in your
partner, know that he or she is also feeling unsafe.
You can choose to respond in kind or respond
lovingly. The reaction you get will depend on the
choice you make.
- Rather than think of yourself as always being the
one who initiates, think in terms of the fact that you
have the power to change things around at any given
moment.
- You do not have to open yourself up totally and
completely at first; instead take small steps and test
the waters, so to speak.
- Remember that being emotionally intimate means
accepting your partner warts and all.
- Always "handle with care" that which your partner
has shared with you that is personal and private. This
is how you build trust and intimacy. If you share it
publicly or throw it back in their face, that trust will be
broken.
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Additional Resources I Recommend:
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Kelly, M. The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of
Loving and the Joy of Being Loved
Fireside, January 2007
McCarthy, B. & E. Getting it Right the First Time:
Creating a Healthy Marriage Routledge, 2004
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Empowering Tools and Information:
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Just wanted to let you know that I've been given some
wonderful opportunities lately to be a guest on some
shows. I'll send a special email blast out to you to let
you know how to hear or watch these!
EXTRA SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Watch for an
email from me soon. I'm going to run a special
teleseminar to help you deal with the stress of the
economy!!!
By the way, speaking about being open -- if there are
some topics you'd like me to address, let me hear
from you. My contact info is at the bottom of this
newsletter.
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